I spend my entire life waiting, but I have grown sick of waiting and relying on other people for my own happiness. I am run down, I am the outer shell of the person I used to be and feel on the inside. I am irritable and I am stubborn, I care too much and read into things I shouldn’t.
I spend hours waiting for transportation, hours on transportation to my destination, and these hours are wasted by doing absolutely nothing, what exactly am I supposed to do? I wake up and I’m waiting until my morning routine is complete, so I can almost feel comfortable in my own skin to face such a dull and dreary world. I no longer feel any kind of desire to make an effort, I am grey, and I am blending in. I annoy myself with the way I act around certain people. Is this my routine now or am I just a boring person?
I wait until I can see you again, I wait and watch as the status of my messages to you go from delivered to read, I wait hours on end for you to reply; checking my phone with barely even minute intervals. I wait to see what you choose to reply back to, and what parts of my messages you ignore. Are you tired of me already? Am I really the type of person who deserves questions to be unanswered because you’re too stubborn to answer me?
I’m waiting for the day that maybe, just maybe you’ll be the one to chase me, the one who wants to make plans with me, the one who wants to see me because you miss my face, or my scent or the way I feel when I’m cuddled up to you. Maybe you can be the one to wait on my every word, for a change. Maybe you can wonder why i’m capable of reading your text, choosing to ignore it and tweeting something unnecessary, and then taking hours upon end to reply back to you.
This world is selfish and I don’t want to live my life waiting for it to change anymore. I’m tired of waiting for something beautiful to happen, something that could be so uplifting that I need to share it with everyone. Something that’ll help me get out of this routine of acting like a completely heartless robot all the time. Perhaps I’m waiting for something that you will never be, or something I shall never experience.
But I know one thing’s for sure, I won’t find either of my answers waiting anymore.